It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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