I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
