Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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