you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i think i have two assholes
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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