I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
