Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
