I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
