he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
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the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
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the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You are a genius and a whore.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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