If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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