My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
