OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
