WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
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It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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