So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Let's get the cat blown out
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you