Quick, to the slutcave!
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.