You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
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KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
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He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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