I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.