He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning