I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
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Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
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I just want nice things and good sex
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.