Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
This is sufficient.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
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It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
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He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.