i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i barfeds in our rink
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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