I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
