I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
