I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
