Im at strip club and am horny
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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