We named our party play list daddy issues
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
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