I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
