dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
