its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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