just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
i think i just lost a toe
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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