Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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