I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
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I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
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He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
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