Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
