Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
