I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
