I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
