I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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