but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
