I want to make a zoo with you.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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