Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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