on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
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I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
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I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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