Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(979): View more from Texas

I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar

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(251): View more from Alabama

As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"

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(631): View more from New York

I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...

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(925): View more from California

First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.

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You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
Read it at the TFLN blog
(561): View more from Florida

I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning

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(513): View more from Ohio

Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.

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(425): View more from Washington

There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.

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(952): View more from Minnesota

Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.

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