a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
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Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
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just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.