I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
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I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
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Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.