I met the friendliest cop last night
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
It all started with a game of naked twister.