i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION