do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
