Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
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I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
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Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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