My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
