Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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