about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm at about main and main street
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
