i was rollin on her like bob the builder
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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