I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
