I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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