you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
