I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
