Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
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Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
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My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
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