true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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