well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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