I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
