Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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