oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
