I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
