he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
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Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
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Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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