After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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