New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Everyone says I win the strip club
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
