Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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