ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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