oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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