This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
