Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
