I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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