when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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