a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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