I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
