You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
