If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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