so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
