I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
