Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
